Masking in Autistic Women: Understanding the Complexities and Hidden Costs
Many women I work with high-performing professionals, devoted parents, educators, and healthcare providers share a common story. On the outside, they look competent, reliable, and strong. Inside, they are exhausted. They describe cycles of overachieving, meeting everyone else’s needs, and then collapsing into burnout. When we look more closely, a pattern often emerges they have been masking for years, sometimes without even realizing it.
Masking, also known as camouflaging, involves the conscious or unconscious effort to change how you show up in the world so that others won’t see or misinterpret your differences. For autistic women, masking can mean suppressing natural self-regulation behaviors like stimming, carefully imitating social behaviors, or rehearsing conversations ahead of time. It can also show up as being excessively helpful, endlessly accommodating, or scanning interactions to “get it right.”
Why Autistic Women Mask
From an early age, many autistic girls and women learn that showing their authentic selves can come with real risks being excluded, criticized, or misunderstood. Masking becomes a way to survive, to move through classrooms, workplaces, and social spaces where difference isn’t easily welcomed.
There’s a paradox here. The ability to mask carries privilege: it can open doors to education, jobs, friendships, and healthcare that might otherwise be closed. At the same time, masking drains energy, increases anxiety, and can leave women feeling disconnected from who they really are. Over time, the cost adds up.
What the Research Tells Us
Research by Dr. Laura Hull at Bristol Medical School identified three distinct ways autistic people camouflage: compensation (mimicking non-autistic people), masking (suppressing traits), and assimilation (forcing oneself into behaviors that feel unnatural or uncomfortable).
Earlier studies often described masking as a social strategy to “fit in.” But more recent work led by autistic researchers, including Pearson and Kieran Rose, reframes masking as something deeper: a trauma-shaped instinct for safety. Their 2021 study highlighted that masking is not just about wanting to belong, it is about protecting oneself in environments that can feel unsafe or invalidating.
Masking and the Boom–Bust Cycle
Many autistic women especially those in demanding professional or caregiving roles describe living in a “boom–bust” cycle. They push themselves hard to keep up appearances, perform at a high level, and meet external expectations. Then, when the mask becomes too heavy, they collapse into burnout, exhaustion, or shutdown.
This cycle can feel baffling, even shame-inducing, until it’s understood as part of the hidden cost of masking. Naming this pattern is often the first step toward breaking free of it.
The Gentle Work of Unmasking
Unmasking doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it about abandoning the mask completely. In many environments, masking still serves a protective function. The deeper work is about choice discovering safe spaces and relationships where the mask can come off, even just a little.
Therapy can support this process by helping women reconnect with their bodies, honor the protective role masking has played, and slowly rediscover what feels authentic.
For some, unmasking means allowing themselves to stim without apology. For others, it means saying no without over-explaining or trusting that they don’t have to monitor every gesture in a conversation. Small steps toward authenticity build resilience, safety, and self-compassion.
Moving Toward Wholeness
Masking is neither weakness nor failure. It is a deeply human survival strategy in a world that has often failed to embrace difference. At the same time, it is exhausting. Many women reach a point where they want something more: a life that doesn’t require constant performance, and a sense of self that feels steady, real, and free.
If you see yourself in this story and if you’ve wondered whether autism, masking, or burnout might explain your struggles, you’re not alone. Therapy can help you honor the role masking has played, while gently moving toward a life where you feel safe enough to be fully yourself.
📩 You can learn more or reach out at dramandapress.com.
